a bleeding heart, part 8

When Brayden leaned in she thought he was going to kiss her but then his lips passed her own. His lips touched her cheek in a gentle kiss. Lilly sighed as she lowered her head to glance down at her lap. Not a proper kiss. She understood where he came from and everything. She felt the same but... well, she really wanted a kiss with Brayden. She felt so worthless. So unwanted. So disgusting that no man would ever want her. Sure, Brayden had said he wanted her but what if that changed? It had changed with her father and Brett. She wasn't worthy of one kiss from any man let alone a relationship. She could bet if she became a prostitute she couldn't even pay other people to bed her. Sighing she nodded quietly before putting the tissue back into Brayden's pocket. She would save him from having to leave her.
"I should go... You've got work in the morning and I'm drunk out of my head."

Where was she going to stay? Lilly had no idea. Probably in a meadow curled up by a stream. After being kicked out of Brett's castle Lilly didn't have a home anymore. She'd burnt all her things and decided to live as a wolf. It was part of the reason her dress was ripped in several places. She slowly stood up making sure to keep her balance before leaning forward to kiss Brayden's cheek back. Her hand ran down his arm before entwining her fingers with his. She squeezed his hand gently before turning to head for the door. As she got halfway she heard a song that used to be one of her favourites. Mariah Carey's "Touch My Body." Now Lilly couldn't bare any songs about love, or intimacy, or anything like that. It just hurt her even more. Turning her head she slipped out of the night club. She didn't want to leave Brayden but he was right. She had to... well, she had to try and get over Brett before she even thought about Brayden.

She hated leaving Brayden. He was her best friend but this was for his benefit. She didn't want to hurt him in any way. Burying her face into her hands she began to weep. With her back against the wall she slid down it pulling her knees up to her chest as she sobbed. Why was her life turning to crap?! This wasn't fair. None of this was fair. She just wanted to find a hole and die in it. She would do what was best for Brayden. Glancing out of the corner of her eye she noticed a half full bottle of vodka. Not caring who had bought it or left it there she grabbed the bottle and began to down it.